Difficulties with Celibacy and Dating

The decision to become celibate is one of the most difficult decisions you can make in your lifetime. When you are celibate and dating it makes life even more difficult. Most of the guys you meet are not celibate and nor do they plan to be. When they realize that you’re not giving it up guys usually react one of four ways.

1. He will “friendzone” you. This guy is obviously not happy with the fact that you don’t want to have sex, but they may like you personality or company. Instead of cutting you off, they keep you around hoping you will eventually give it up.
2. He is in denial or too arrogant to believe you won’t have sex with him because most women they encounter have given it up. Apparently, women are claiming they are celibate, but they are still giving it up. Why lie? You are making all the actual celibate girls look like liars. I used to get offended when a man didn’t believe me, but with all the women lying I can’t get mad anymore.
3. He will cut you off. Men who know what they want and know what they can handle will end their ties to you because they know they don’t want to be celibate and don’t want to waste time.
4. He is willing to wait? I have a lot of respect for the guy that is willing to wait. However, I think it is necessary that their decision is one they’ve made for themselves not because you want them to be. With all of the temptation in this world it is hard enough to become celibate for Christ alone. It is even harder to do it for a significant other. Majority of the time the guy that’s willing to wait was already considering celibacy and you confirmed it, or he was already celibate. Beware because there are men who will try to be celibate for you, but will eventually cheat on you to satisfy themselves because they realized they can’t handle it. Make sure he thought this decision through completely because it is a very difficult journey.

The best way to cope with celibacy while dating is by finding platonic (no intimacy, just companionship) friends or someone who shares your viewpoints on sex. Other options to cope could be to limit the amount of dating you do so that you aren’t tempted, or to simply stop dating. Forcing someone to be celibate and they are not mentally (or spiritually) ready is a recipe for disaster. Celibacy is an area where you cannot afford to be indecisive because sex is an important factor to most men (even some Christian ones). It will only lead to problems in the relationship if you are indecisive or waver in your commitment to celibacy. If you are going to be celibate then do so wholeheartedly.

4 thoughts on “Difficulties with Celibacy and Dating

  1. I appreciate your post. Waiting for marriage can be challenging as you suggested. I remember the challenges my wife and I had as we waited for our wedding day. One thought that arose while I read your post: I do not think we should refer to celibacy as “coping;” instead encourage those who have chosen to wait to thrive in their singleness. You are welcome to stop by my blog if you like. I tackle this topic from a different perspective.


  2. Celibacy is a cool topic. I remember being that guy. 20 years old, in college, and not f*cking lol. Waiting for the right person to come along, and even not being too concerned about it. I remember not connecting with women on so many levels (and not caring about it either) because I had school to work on, At some point I started to feel a little overlooked, frustrated, and not recognized.I knew my potential to have fun in college was only for a few years, and I started to weigh the odds of not enjoying myself and if it was worth it. Ultimately I justified feeling like I was wasting my time not learning about myself and the world out there because I was waiting for some wonderful woman who was going to be great to me, when she might not even exist at all. And I shouldn’t be bitter if there isn’t one out there for me, because I’m just grateful to have such a great life anyway. For all I know, my future wife was/is sleeping with another man and learning about herself and I would be falling behind by not interacting with the people my age to understand what I or she likes about dating, sex, and relationships. And when I meet her, I’d be bitter, and judge her for having sex without me, and me being the “winner” for not having sex until I met her. Then she’d probably dump me for being an asshole lol. So either way, I lose or I lose, so why not have sex and lose? There certainly are risks, and rewards, but celibacy isn’t difficult. It’s just not logical, or easy to justify after reaching your 20’s that sex is something we may have to accept. Completely a faith thing for me, and internal decision that one can go on their own journey for. I think it’s worth it, but I have a hard time shutting people out for my own personal reasons. Isn’t it better to love and let go, than to never love at all? I guess AC Green and Dikembe Mutumbo would know better? Somehow the 40 year old virgin seems like an awkward thing for a grown man to be.


  3. Sex is not the way you explore yourself its how you explore someone else. It’s not the next level to make a relationship serious, marriage is. The best way I heard it described his like this: fire in a fireplace is good, but take that same fire out of the boundaries of the fireplace and it can cause major destruction. Sex is AMAZING, God created it so of course it’s good, but only in the boundaries of marriage, when you do it other wise, it’s destructive. Celibacy is a good thing. It helps you focus and see your significant other for who they are.


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