I know most of you saw the topic and thought…what is she about to say now? Well I wanted to talk about nagging in-depth. Women do it! Men hate it! Why do women do it? Why do men hate it? There are so many reasons, but I believe there can be a happy medium you just have to find it.
The definition of nagging is to annoy someone with repeated requests, questions, or orders.
Women nag for several reasons to include but not limited to:
1. Perfection: They want the relationship to be perfect (or better) so they point out all the bad qualities in the relationship in hopes of improving it. Women have good intentions when doing this, but men perceive this the wrong way. Nagging pushes them away!
2. Suspicion: They suspect their significant other is cheating so they will try to catch him in the act. Anytime things are “off” it will trigger her to attack!
3. Jealous and/or insecure: No explanation necessary
4. Unhappy with the relationship: When a woman isn’t happy she will complain for changes to happen. She will continue to do this until she gets what she wants or gets tired of asking.
5. So anxious! Anxious for love, marriage, lust, whatever the case may be. The problem is he’s not moving at the pace she wants to go.
6. Bad boyfriend: Maybe you just suck as a boyfriend and that’s why she nags.
Of course men dislike nagging, but what men fail to realize is that there is a purpose behind those annoying questions, comments, and/or conversations. Unfortunately, its one of the ways a woman will show that she cares. She nags because she wants to fix things before its too late. What becomes a problem is when she stops nagging! This simply means she’s given up hope and no longer cares because she’s now plotting her exit. The other thought could be she started seeing someone else.
Women (including myself) we have to get better at what we complain about. Some stuff is pointless and isn’t even worth having an argument over or even bringing up. When you decide to complain or nag to your significant other about an issue make sure it’s a valid one. How do you know if it’s valid? Well, when you are able to state what the problem is, what is causing the problem, what happens as a result of this problem, and a possible solution …then maybe you have yourself an argument. However, if you want to point out stuff about him that you don’t like and want him to change then you are out of luck! You should never expect a man to change for you nor should you believe that nagging him would make the changes he made for you permanent. Here are my suggestions on healthy nagging:
1. Have a valid point with evidence (no hearsay or stuff you created in your mind)
2. Wait for the right opportunity to bring up the issue. (Avoid doing it when you are upset or when he is preoccupied with something else.)
3. Be careful in how you state your concerns. Use the right tone of voice. Make sure you aren’t yelling or making that annoying child-like voice you make when you don’t get your way. Be an adult about the situation. Make sure your emotions are intact and you can speak to him in a way that is respectful and demands his attention.
4. State your issue once and leave it up to him to change it. Do not nag him about something excessively to the point where he gets irritated and loses interest. If he cares about you he will take heed and you guys can work together to make the appropriate changes necessary. If he doesn’t care then consider yourself ignored….move on!
Did I mention this was biblical? When I came across this scripture years ago I learned I needed to get my “nag” act together.
“It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.” Proverbs 21:19
This Scripture alone should be enough motivation to work on your “nagging” ways! If a man would rather be in the wilderness (or in a place with no one or nothing else) than put up with you…imagine how easy it would be for him to let you go. Stop annoying him ladies!