I am doing a poll for one of my next blog posts. Pick three of the six that you feel are most important for your relationship to include. Thanks for your help!
This week’s guest blogger is author T.D. Robinson. He will be sharing a cool point system he has that can be used for potential mates. Check out his blog post below
So often we find ourselves in relationships that are going nowhere or think back to past relationships and think “What was I thinking?” Everyone has a theory, you’ve undoubtedly heard them “women are from venus…”, “he’s really not that into you…” blah blah. The reality is that although people evolve they really don’t change. That guy that you hate today was the same guy when you met him and vice versa. Don’t agree?? Well the cause of most of these things is our perspective and the dreaded word “COMPROMISE”. Compromise good ya’ say?? It can be, but in the world of relationships it can be a cirque d’ solei wire walk minus the net. Here’s the deal.
The relationship begins when you begin to align your life with that “special” someone. By all accounts this can be a great time, but it’s also the moment where rational thought is overridden by those pesky things we call “emotions”. Emotions in a normal context are fine, I mean who wants to be with some unconcerned a**hole. But those same emotions can make you “compromise” things that you typically wouldn’t and being that most people don’t take “relationship inventory” prior to that moment puts them at their heart’s mercy.
Here’s where “PERCEPTION” comes in.
Our minds can trick us, creating a mirage from our desires. You want that person to be what you want, or maybe even feel that sooner or later they’ll fit your perception. We’ve been that friend on the outside that knew 3yrs and 2 kids ago that your besties relationship wouldn’t work, or your homies girl really had some suspect tendencies but you turned a blind eye. You just didn’t have the heart to tell them that that ocean in the middle of the desert wasn’t really real. Your perspective was void of the emotional attachment, giving you the whole picture. You could see that it didn’t add up.
So in an attempt to put it in rational terms I came up with a system. YES… a system to see how you really feel about a person, before turning those good feelings after evenings of dinner, Patron and nights in the sack into a life altering decision. Here’s the catch… in order for this to work you have to be completely real with yourself in regards to the person in question… so the score might not be something that you want to share should you decide not to follow it. (I mean if they get 50% and you tell them it might be a deal breaker…)
The scoring is on a scale of 1 – 5. 5 being the ideal case and 1 being the worst case. Happy scoring and let us know what you come up with.
Physical: 5 points
To some this may not matter but if it does consider it carefully. Bodies can change for better or for worse. So if your into abs of steel the odds of a keg turning into a six pack can be highly unlikely.
Personality/Communication: 5 points
This is a biggie. After the allure of being near a person rubs off you’ve got to have something and that’s where this is. During the long haul of a relationship you might want to be with someone you mesh with. If there’s major things you feel like are being withheld here you might want to grade on a curve.
Spirituality: 5 points
Life’s long and sh*t happens. Nothing wrong with turning to a Higher Power (which ever you should choose). Kinda hard to share the value of the experience with someone who’s an atheist though. You get the point… score wisely.
Sex: 5 points
This is a hot one. Again, expectations have to be reasonable and this can be a deal smasher. Single life and dating/married life experiences are different. If you need that intense fire to float your boat, respect that it changes. This is simply to score the chemistry when you do catch that lightening in a bottle… is it explosive or like watching a boiling pot?
Career: 5 points
In aligning your life, finances become a major factor. Are you peers or are the scales lop-sided? Will you both transition or has one party met the ceiling. This is one of those things that doesn’t matter until it matters!
Goals: 5 points
You want a vacation home one day? Start your own business? Maybe 5 kids and become a stay at home parent? You need to know your destination before you get on the bus, otherwise you get on the wrong one and end up wasting a bunch of time before you realize it. Mutual goals or at least goals in which you can assist each other on can be a glue that forges your bond. 2 goalless people can work out too, but mixing one with the other typically doesn’t go well.
Potential: 5 points
This here is the wildcard. Maybe they are lacking in that career right now but have goals to get themselves ahead. Maybe on a spiritual journey or have aspirations to get that gym membership and become your human sex toy. This score can supplement many of the others, but it has to come within the scope of one of the other categories. In other words don’t go betting on a long shot with this one.
Add all of the points for each category and get your result:
0 – 7 “Who are you and why are you calling me?!”
8 – 14 “It was nice meeting you. Have a nice life.”
15 – 21 ”I guess we can get a drink from time to time.”
22 – 28 “Interesting… let’s see where this goes!”
29 – 35 “Sign me up for the long haul!”
Did your perspective match your objective scoring? I hope so!
1. He doesn’t play games. When he’s serious there is no tomfoolery! If he likes you, you’ll know it. He will show you directly. You won’t have to read between the lines and he won’t lead you on.
2. He calls. This is important. When a guy is really into you he’d call you five times a day without even knowing it. He’d want to hear your voice. He would look forward to telling you about his day and hearing about yours. You won’t ever have to wonder why he hasn’t called because it won’t be an issue.
3. He makes you a priority. You are important to him and he will do things to show you just that! He will make time for you. He will even choose you over a night out with the guys.
4. There is no competition. You will be the only girl he is involved with. There will be no other women. If there are other women during the early phase chances are he cut them off or is willing to cut them off for you when he’s ready for something serious.
5. There is effort! He will do any and everything to show you that you are who he wants. If you like tulips you will find that he will buy you tulips just because. If you like breakfast in bed you just may wake up to some pancakes one morning.
6. Out of his comfort zone. He will do things he wouldn’t normally do because its what you want. For example, he would go see a chick flick with you! He will try new things just because he knows you’d appreciate it.
7. Marriage is in his future. Steve Harvey suggests that a woman should ask a man what are his long-term goals. I think this is an awesome conversation starter. I encourage you to listen to what he states as his goals. Most men will have long-term goals, but the real question is if marriage is a goal for him. I like to ask men where do you see yourself in 5 years. If he doesn’t mention being married its safe to assume marriage isn’t a priority for him. If he’s serious his response will include a wife and possibly children.
8. Eliminating old flames. The guy who used to be the player type will have history with a lot of women. It may be hard to believe but even after a player has treated a woman like crap they still want him back. He will get random texts in the middle of the night. He will get calls. If he’s serious about you he wouldn’t want you to experience hearing his phone ringing in the middle of the night. Instead he will change his number, block their numbers, or “unfriend” them on social media. How they do it depends on the guy, but its done. You just wouldn’t know about it unless you asked.
9. Honesty is the best policy. He’ll tell you the truth even if it hurts! He doesn’t want to hurt you, but he doesn’t want to lie to you about anything.
10. He’s an open book. Most guys keep a lot of things to themselves, but if he’s into you he will talk to you about anything.
11. He considers you. When he makes big decisions in his life he considers you in them. You will be included in his plans no matter what.
12. He respects you. He admires you and everything about you. He is proud to have you on his arm.
13. He values your opinion. When he needs advice or someone to talk to he will come to you. Maybe not for everything, but if he needs a woman’s opinion it would be yours.
14. Meet the family and friends. Any and everyone who is important to him will know who you are!
15. He will pursue you. He will put forth the effort necessary to show you that he wants you and that you will never have to question!
I could go on, but if a guy meets most of these you have someone who is serious about dating you. Embrace it! Date Healthy.
This week’s Ask Ann question:
“How would you or your female friends handle being courted by someone of a different religion or at least a different outlook on faith. Is the faith of a partner a deal breaker?”
Religion is a very important area in my (and all of my friends) relationships. We must not only share the same religion, but share similar beliefs on the basic principles of our faith. If he is a Christian, but we have different denominations I would have to investigate his beliefs further. I am technically considered a “Baptist”, but I share similar beliefs as some “non-denominational” Christians. If we share the same basic principles then it doesn’t matter what denomination he is. I have listed the basic principles below in the form of questions. If we have the same answers to these questions then its a go!
1. Who is God?
2. Who is Jesus?
3. What is the Bible to you?
4. What is salvation?
5. Describe the role of church in your life?
Ideally, I would want us to be able to attend church together so if we do not share the same religion or beliefs this will be a deal breaker. I say this for two reasons:
1. My faith in God dictates majority (if not all) of my life’s decisions. If I am married to (or dating) a man who has different beliefs this will cause issues because we may not be consulting the same God for things.
2. It will affect how we raise our children. If I were a Christian dating a Muslim what would we raise our child to believe?
There are some people who do not consider this a deal breaker, but it would depend on how spiritual the person was. I’ve found that the more spiritual a person is the more likely they would require that their partner is spiritual as well. If they aren’t spiritual they are more open to considering joining whatever religion their partner practices.
I hope this answers your question
With more than 7 billion people in the world it is safe to say there is someone for everyone. If this is the case why is it that you have numerous situations involving someone’s friend dating their ex. Seriously, is the ratio of men to women so high that you have date your friend’s ex or did you friend just date a lot of people? I have had several of my friends date my ex-boo’s or boyfriends, but it didn’t bother me. The reason being is because they did it in an appropriate manner. What is appropriate you ask? They followed the ground rules I created. Here goes:
1. Thou shall not date someone I had sex with. It’s simple where there is intimacy there is my territory. If someone was special enough for me to kiss or even have sex with my friends were not allowed to date that person. If they did this meant it was the end of our friendship. It’s equivalent to guys saying a girl “smashed the homie.” A real friend wouldn’t want that person.
2. She considered me. Dating someone’s ex can be considered disrespectful if it isn’t done right. One way to earn my respect for the situation is by asking me if I’m ok with them dating each other. For example, I had a friend meet a guy that I used to date. She liked him a lot, but she knew about our past. Instead of her talking to him behind my back she asked me if it would bother me if they dated. I didn’t have feelings for the guy and we had only dated for 2 months. I was completely ok with it! I was even happier with the fact that she asked first. It showed she cared about my feelings and most of all that she respected and valued our friendship. If you don’t consider my feelings when dating my ex then I would consider you disrespectful!
3. We weren’t in a serious relationship. Dating can be casual for some, especially for me when I was younger. I dated guys for weeks and then never talked to them again. Just simple dates like dinner and a movie. If the discussion of a relationship never came up then it was just casual to me. Besides, who’s to say that my friend couldn’t be in a serious relationship with an ex-boo that I didn’t take seriously. It’s ok to be territorial with the people that had special meaning in your life, but don’t go claiming every person you’ve encountered as yours.
4. Have you ever thought that maybe that person wasn’t meant for you in the first place? Sometimes we interfere with the workings of God and then get mad at the results. Every quality person you encounter isn’t always meant for you to date! They may have been meant for your friend.
5. It’s a small world after all! Yea, I mentioned there were sooo many people in the world, but at the end of the day everybody knows everybody. We are connected in some way. It’s only a matter of time and space that your friend will encounter your ex. If sparks fly then who are you to put out the flame?
Your friend dating your ex isn’t so bad if it’s done in a respectful manner. If not, then you probably weren’t friends in the first place. Do me a favor…find you a new friend. Date Healthy ☺
1. EVERY time you hang out you have to pay. She NEVER offers! You are being used for a free meal dear.
2. She is always too busy to spend quality time with you. She never has time for you unless it benefits her in some way.
3. She asks (or expects) you to buy her things or pay her bills. Some women believe that a man should pay a woman’s bills. I think this is bogus. You are an adult and you are responsible for yourself. No one should expect another person to pay their bills.
4. She doesn’t make you a priority. If her friends or main guy calls and wants to hang out you will be given the rain check.
5. She rarely returns your calls. You will hear excuses like: “Oh, I completely forgot!” or “I didn’t get a missed call.” Trust me…if a woman likes you she won’t forget or miss any call you make.
6. She doesn’t want a relationship. Most women want to be in a relationship. It is rare to meet a woman that doesn’t want to be in a relationship unless she just got out of one.
7. She only calls you when a holiday is approaching. Valentine’s Day, Christmas, you name it she will be ringing your phone if she doesn’t have a date. She will expect you to be her date and to buy her a gift even if you haven’t talked to her all year!
8. How often does she need a favor? If it’s every time you see her then she’s probably using you.
9. She doesn’t kiss you. She treats you as if you are just a platonic friend. She won’t let you hold her hand or even touch her.
10. She’s dating other people. If a girl is into you there will be NO ONE else. If there are other people in the picture and you guys have been dating more than 3 months you’re being used.
11. Nobody knows your name. She hasn’t introduced you to her friends or family members. If you were special to her everyone would know who you were.
12. She doesn’t want to see you on a regular basis. When a woman truly likes you she wouldn’t be able to let days go by without seeing or talking to you. If she does and you guys haven’t had an argument there is someone else in the picture…your just filling in the blanks.
13. She doesn’t remember anything about you. Women have selective memories. We tend to remember what we want. If she doesn’t remember things like your birthday or your sibling’s names she’s just not that into you.
14. She talks to you about other men. If she confides in you about her dating experiences she looks at you more like a brother and not a potential boyfriend. She can care less about your problems and will be less likely to listen to your issues. She only cares about herself.
15. Chosen by association. If she is more interested in what you do for a living she’s probably trying to use you for who you know. For example, if you work in the music industry she could be using you for free concert tickets or meet and greets.
16. She only calls you during booty call hours. Yes, women do use men for sex! I know this is something that some men would like, but it isn’t a good feeling to be used for sex…I think!
17. She doesn’t reciprocate. She takes, takes, takes, but never gives! She rarely does things to show you she appreciates you and what you do for her.
- Only calls or visits you on late nights. Some people believe that late nights are after 2am, but I think late nights begin after 10pm.
- Never calls you, just text. Texting is convenient, yet impersonal. If he never wants to hear your voice that’s a bad sign.
- Never (or rarely) takes you out on dates. All of your dates are inside. Home is where he wants to be. He doesn’t want to be seen with you in public.
- Consistently asks you to text him revealing pictures of yourself. You will find yourself “sex-ting” a lot! I will ditch the sexy pic and send him a picture of Dasani water because the thirst is real.
- Conversations are mostly related to or having to do with sex. He never asks questions to get to know you because he doesn’t care! It’s strictly sex talk.
- Immediately after you’ve met, he invites you over to his place. There is nothing wrong with a guy calling immediately after you’ve met. The problem is the content of the conversation. If he is more concerned with you coming over his house it is likely he just wants sex.
- No Commitment. He doesn’t want to commit to you. No matter how long it has been he doesn’t want to take that next step.
- You haven’t met anyone important to him (i.e. family members, friends). He hasn’t introduced you to his parents or any of his best friends. Proceed with caution!
- He talks a good game, but doesn’t back it up! Have you ever dated a guy that was so great with words? He can make you smile from the inside out because his game is that good. Well if he never follows through with showing you via actions…beware!
- Mr. Big Spender. He has money to blow and will buy you whatever you like! He doesn’t always do it because he likes you; he does it because he considers it an investment.
- Sex is all you do! If you have a gut feeling or your intuition is telling you that all you do is have sex, your feeling is probably right.
- Oh the pressure. If he is constantly pressuring you to have sex, it is probably all he wants!
- Drunk in Love. Every time you are together he wants to get drinks or bring drinks over. He is doing this to set the mood. He wants to intoxicate you with his love.
- The Walk of Shame is a regular strut for you. You will never be able to stay the night. You have to leave immediately following the sexual encounter. Oh, and don’t expect him to stay over.
- He won’t open up. He never shares things with you. He keeps conversations short and simple. Sex, sex, and more sex.
- Time limits. He will only spend a couple hours with you. You will never get an entire Saturday of fun with him. All you will get is the amount of time it takes to have sex.
- He doesn’t care if you’re dating other people. As long as he is able to get sex from you, he doesn’t care if you have someone else.
- He told you! Believe it or not there are brutally honest men out there. Some men will tell you up front that they are only looking for sex. When he tells you this…believe him! There is NOTHING you can do to change his mind. Don’t fool yourself. Move on!
- You are the initiator. He never reaches out to you for a date or suggestion to hang out unless he wants sex. You will typically be the one contacting him to spend time together.
- He doesn’t make time for you. When you do decide to ask him to spend time with you he’s too busy. He’ll only have time for you when it is convenient for him.
- He doesn’t kiss you, unless it’s leading to sex.
- He doesn’t care about how you feel. If he cares he will notice your down about something and he will make an effort to make you feel better. When he doesn’t care, you’ll just be unhappy.
She loves me. She loves me not! Do you remember when someone would pick petals off of a flower and say these words? The hope was that the very last petal would confirm that their special someone loved them! Men often question whether or not a woman is in love because women are so hard to understand. I believe it is pretty obvious when a woman loves a man, but I’m a woman and I know women. The problem is most men are oblivious to the signs because their looking at the wrong things. Here are a few ways a man can tell if a woman loves him:
- You never annoy her. You can say or do some of the most annoying things and somehow she finds a way to think its “cute” or “sexy.” Your friends and/or family members may hate the fact that you sing in the shower, yet she encourages you to do so and sometimes she even sings along with you. She’s never irritated with you, no matter how annoying your friends may think you are. She loves even the annoying things.
- You are attractive, even at your worst! When a woman can admire a man’s physical attributes on his worst day, she’s in love. I am not a fan of the “scruffy” beard look or “no shave” November, but if I am in love with you…it doesn’t matter! No haircut…no problem you’re still fine to me J
- She encourages you. When a man needs that extra push, the woman that is in love with you will make you feel like you can take over the world. She motivates in a way that no other woman can. If she doesn’t motivate you, she doesn’t care!
- “Whatever you like”. If a woman is interested in you she will learn your likes and dislikes, habits, pet peeves, etc. She wants to make sure that she does everything right and just the way you like it.
- Breakfast, Lunch, & Dinner. Nowadays, the domestic woman is few and far between. The woman that knows how to cook will make sure you are well fed. If she loves you, but doesn’t know how to cook she will learn. Just be patient with her and be honest, not in brutal manner.
- Flaws & All. If a woman loves you she wouldn’t care about your flaws. You may have a crooked tooth, an ugly birth mark, or a bad habit it doesn’t matter to her. Women will make your negative attributes a positive for her. She will embrace your flaws.
- She makes you better. Behind every good man is a good woman. She adds to your life in ways that no other woman can. She does it effortlessly! I’m sure you were awesome before, but she has the ability to turn your awesomeness into legendary.
- She believes in you. You can tell her you want to be the next Donald Trump. You will have her support 100%. Heck, she’d even go as far as helping you get to where you want to be. Whatever your needs are if she can provide she will!
- You’re mine! Women are territorial. She wants you all to herself. If she loves you she will become selfish with you. People have to fight for time with you, even your friends.
I could go on, but I think these are most important. Date Healthy!
This week’s Guest Blogger is Camari B and he will be discussing his experience dating older women. He actually prefers older women because there are more benefits for him. Let me know what you think!
It used to be uncommon to see an older woman dating a younger man. In 2014, it has become a trend. Cougars, VETS (Veterans), MILFS (mom I‘d like to fuck), or whatever you like to call them are now on the hunt for younger guys. Since dating older has never been a problem for younger guys, the two seem to meet up perfectly with their desires for one another. I am sure every guy has had a teacher he wanted to get physical with when he was younger, or a friends mom who you couldn’t keep your eyes off of. Now these fantasies can come to life with an older woman fulfilling the needs and wants of a younger man.
Majority of older women choose or attempt to date younger because they feel that young guys have a higher sex drive and are more physically fit. They also want a man who likes to have fun. I have found that some older women are not looking for serious relationships anymore and just want to have a little fun. Whereas other women just want to feel young again. Whatever the reason they may have, it always benefits the younger guy.
From a man’s perspective, dating older women can be very fun and entertaining. You get a lot of perks and usually with less drama. Most cougars have experienced enough drama in their lifetime. They have married and/or have been in long term relationships that didn’t work out. This type of past usually leads them to having expectations that are not as high, and they want to get their feet wet. I have found that older women are the most sexual and freakiest in bed. Everyone knows men are at their sexual peaks during their 20s, while women early 30s to 40s. This combination equals lots of sex, which for both parties is the greatest benefit!
Another benefit to dating a cougar is that you won’t even have to pick her up for a first date. She will meet you at the destination. She isn’t riding with you until she gets to know you (in case you’re a stalker). This is more than likely because at some point in time she let some guy pick her up and he screwed it up for all men. Naturally an older woman will have much more dating experience than younger women. Therefore, nothing is new to them. They tend to handle situations in a calm and more mature manner than younger women. This quality is a very big turn on for men. They are also very direct about what they want. Whether it is that they want sex, quality time, good conversation, a relationship, or all of the above. They have passed the cat and mouse days so you will not have to chase her, because she will meet you half way. Older women usually will throw all the rules out the window and flip things on men. She will take you on a first date and pay for it. She will come to your house have sex with you and not call you for a few days. She will tend to your needs before you even have the chance to tend to hers. By the time all this happens a young man has fallen for her. Dating older can be beneficial in a lot of ways depending on what you want.
You can never go wrong with buying her traditional gifts like flowers, chocolate, cards, etc. These are definitely great options for newer relationships! They are affordable gifts and God forbid if it doesn’t last you won’t regret spending a ridiculous amount of money on her.
Most of the men I’ve dated failed at this! I enjoy gifts that have sentimental value. Flowers can die. Chocolate will be eaten. Cards will be misplaced or filed away. However, if you gave a gift that has meaning or depth to it I would cherish it so much more. Men, use your ears and your brain! Listen to her and based on this determine what you feel she would like or need.
Women love to brag about what their boo did for them on Valentine’s Day. Do something that would make other men want to step up their game. The most unique gift I’ve received for Valentine’s Day was a love letter (doesn’t sound like much to you, but it made my year!). Anyway, do something to “wow” her. It’s hard to just give an idea for this because it depends on the type of woman your dating. I prefer thoughtful gifts. However, you have women that are material girls. These women may prefer a nice purse or jewelry.
Timing is everything. Present her with her gift at the most unusual or unsuspected time. Most women expect to get a gift when they meet up for the date or even at work. The best and most unexpected times are at midnight (as soon as Valentine’s day begins) or at the very end of the date. Pay attention to her usual routine. You should be able to identify a time period that would work best.
I apologize if you were expecting actual gift ideas! There’s so many things you can buy a woman it would’ve taken me days to compile that into one post. The most important thing you can do is determine what type of woman you are dating. Is she an “It’s the thought that counts” kind of woman or does she want to be showered with gifts? Is she a homebody or would she appreciate a night on the town? You decide and use that info to help you purchase something awesome. Date Healthy!